Whhoooo are yoouu??

I always find myself pondering about who or what type of person I am. Whether they be someone I know personally, or someone over the internet, the people I admire all have specific, unique qualities that make them all awesome and cool. For example: The Black Apple is sweet and folk-y, Angstgoddess003 is prolific and an amazing writer, Katrina is politely outspoken and witty, and Emma is a psychedelic 60s junkie. How cool is that?

Well, this blog is about me having a hard time figuring out who I am.

In the essay I wrote when applying for the scholarship I described myself in words such as opinionated, realist and self-confident, but when I really think hard about it, I don't think I am two of them.

I have been known (by very few people) to seem positive despite the fact that most people would describe me as a pessimist, but I am neither of those things for I believe myself to be a realist. I do have many fantasies where my life is exciting and dramatic like a good (romance) book, but those things are only nice to think about and foolish to hope for.

So that leaves the two remaining adjectives that I believe myself not to be.

Although I do ponder a lot about most hings that others may find useless and random, I also have strong opinions about most subjects that come about in my day. That is probably where the thought of me being opinionated originated from, but that isn't technically what makes an opionated person. An opinionated person is one who thinks about all the things that I do, and voices them, and I do not voice my thoughts or opinions much.

For the past year, I always thought I was self-confident. I thought I was self-confident in my schooling, social status and group, appearance and overall self, but this blog sort of contradicts that, does it not?

I can say that I am an arrogant, inconsiderate, attention-seeking swot. I'll agree with that.

I mean, I know that I could be good in design and that with more persistence and less procrastinating, I could be a fuck-awesome writer (my arrogance talking), but being a rebellious and difficult little snooty teenager, it's just not that easy.

I have few things of mine that I am proud of: my 'Post Mortem' english horror story, Doodle4Goodle design and my year 8 'Adelyn' story. Those are the things that I can truly call mine, the things that I did with only what I have in me, the things I am proud of -- despite some those things being half-arsed and incomplete. I know that I am proud of those things because after about a year of leaving them be and completely forgetting about them, I can still call them awesome after I look at them again.

I don't know what do call myself, I don't know who I am. I just... don't know.

Sigh... This hasn't helped at all.