Profanity

I know I’m only 14,

but I think I struggle in saying love.

(It took me too much effort to write that word down)

I don’t like saying it, I don’t like writing it, I don’t like thinking it.

I know people love things everywhere. Significant others, family, friends, animals, others.


love  [luhv] noun, verb, loved, lov⋅ing.
–noun

1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.

I know those things are possible, but does love feel the same for everyone?

I’ve watched, read many love scenes between two people, and when it’s a good movie or really well written, this thumping, aching feeling consumes my entire being. It’s impossible to ignore and does not cease until the lovey-dovey scene is over. Sometimes it’s a dull throbbing in my chest and other times – most times – it’s an insane, shock of feeling that rushes to my nerves that will not emit until it’s satisfied (self love, lol).

Albeit, it happens rarely because it’s isn’t often that I come across that would make me feel like that.

And I would describe all these things to be painful.

If this is what love feels like, then I don’t know how people can live with it. I can’t even imagine it. Loving someone so dearly that it hurts should be unbearable.

That’s why I’m so curious about whether this is what love feels like to other people – men especially.

I envy all people who can express love through film, words, song, etc. excellently. When they convey love it’s so pure, beautiful and strangely addicting. I could never express anything like that, and me trying will just be blasphemy and disgusting.

I have an uncanny love for angsty love stories (there that word is again, but is a different context. Is it really the same?). Things that have such passionate love but end in (the not clichéd) tragic way is what really gets that throbbing feeling going like rabbits. It’s so bittersweet, it’s lovely.

Unless I am wrong, of course, and am mistaking this feeling for something else.

So, I will end with a few love-related things:

My interpretation of love: addiction, adoration and devotion.

First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes

And, Dianna, I lo** you.